Feeling Down...

This is my last post for the month of February as we have finally reach March which is basically the beginning  of summer. When it comes to my travel plans, I have lied low after the Boracay travel in November 2012, which the destination was more into sponsorship to cover the event as the official photographer for the company. Except that I did some nearby destinations like Angono and Binangonan, Rizal. For some reasons I had to put aside the plan of traveling to the provinces. But the place I wanted to go back this summer is to go to Marinduque which traditionally I was doing it for it happened that it was Holy Week that I had to be there for the Moriones Festival.

Yesterday was quite tough for me since I had to deal with my emotions. I felt so down and sad that I really couldn't understand this feeling which I thought I was alright, yet something in my heart was really bothering me. So uncomfortable that I had to suppress what my heart was ranting about. Sometimes I wonder that I may be dealing with someone's emotion or maybe I have been an emphatic lately which I am not really sure of. It was hard that I needed to overcome it that I really just couldn't. This emotional pain I had faced today that I closed my eyes and asked my guardian angel to cut the cord of my sudden burst of emotions. I had to deal with this everyday that I never used to it since it hit me off last year.

I hope I'm feeling fine and would be able to suppress this emotional pain, aside from the physical. So I ask God to help me. 

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Experiencing The Dark Night Of The Soul

A Dark Night of the Soul is a process before coming to union with God, a calling, a phase of a person's spiritual life marked by a sense of loneliness, detachment, finding yourself and becoming aware of the true nature of who you are. It is a part of one soul's purification that the heart becomes resilient to achieve strength in one's spiritual journey. It is not a depression, but it is associated with some of the inevitable incident triggered by a human experience that life becomes meaningless and of what you have built in life for some reason collapses. Each person has a unique experience though but this is just one of the instance of experiencing dark night of the soul. Tragic incidents or death of loved ones are some of these contributing factors that may trigger the experience.

When you experience dark night of the soul, a person's false self is dying and it can occur at any point in one's life. This comes along the seeking of spiritual knowledge that is leading to one's growth. You will be in the dark but as the person is on this inevitable stage, he or she may not be able to appreciate the beauty that the dark may bring to one's life. There is light indeed, and that is the flame that sparks within one's heart. As you are in the dark, this molds you to become your true self when the ego dies in you. In the dark where you pass the tunnel is you can see the light of hope at the end of the tunnel. And outside awaits the seeker a blissful experience of happiness.

Yes It is possible for anyone to experience such stage and it may happen anytime soon. Some explainable condition varies depending what the people have gone through in this life and you will not be able to alter the state of being in that situation, but self acceptance is more appropriate enough to be able to attain the finality of such phase. 

Many of the spiritual people suggest to raise your vibration, become happy, go with the flow, give unconditional love, meditate the light as comfort zones, but these things will be less important unless one could possibly be more open-minded what goodness that the dark could bring. Yes it could lessen the burden but it is a temporarily relief.

In the course of my journey, I have never been in the light yet as I am still in my present moment experiencing the dark night of the soul. But my faith would keep me free from that experience and will be able to see the light in the darkness. As the energy of pain's so intense, the happiness and sadness are both to the extremes. 

It is the opening of my heart that expands to receive the Divine Love to self realization that lingers through my journey. And In my journey isolation is required that I have to do nothing but to let it flow...I wouldn't deny such dark night of the soul, because the more state of self denial I would is the more it prolongs the process. I tried to accept the fact that I am being able to receive such gift of this in spite that the experience was so intense, the emotional pain and sadness resting in my heart in the moment seemed to still remain  I tried to resist my condition but it's just that I  really couldn't and there's no more going back to my old self that illusion of me covered by my ego. The people of the same shoes as mine know how hard it is to be in this phase where all their adversities seemed to have been recalled as part of one's purification. The sentiments, the longingness, yearnings, and everything in life that seemed to fall apart and these are just part of this process that a person may have gone through the dark night of the soul.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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A New York Dream

The hustle-bustle life in the city, the yellow cab, the glittering lights in Times Square and the tall buildings in New York City, these are some of the few things I miss about New York. Each time I tried to see my photos when I was in the city that never sleeps, I have a deep yearning inside. And so as much as I really wanted to go there, but what keeps on stopping me is the lack of financial resources that I have. Living in New York is so expensive as I have lived there for quite sometime and I knew exactly how it feels to live there. The last time I visited New York was in 2010 when I had to meet my client there. From Brooklyn hostel that I stayed I transferred to another Elmhurst where an apartment was owned by a Filipino. So I rented a room for $600 a month, and my landlord was a couple who happened to have no children. Every Christmas I send them a Christmas greeting card, but unfortunately in 2012 I missed sending out my greetings for them. I lost my contact information and tried to find their Facebook account but there were so many similar names that appeared on Facebook. Maybe time will come I will be able to search their information again.

Going back to my aspiration, yes big time I have this so called a "New York Dream" and it's been long overdue from the time I had wanted to live in New York so much. There were a lot of stopping in doing so, Obviously I am not a citizen or a resident but the only passport that I have is my dream. I really wanted to make it big there as my cravings rant in my heart towards my journey. I have the heart, my inner knowing is guiding me that once I am able to penetrate there, I know I would do great there. Likewise since I've been into my passion photography, I really have the high hopes of stepping up the ladder.

I've been in New York for quite a number of times being able to know how it feels like living there.

Yes I am imagining, and I am hoping too this year it's going to be my come back year in New York. I wanna leave my old self and start all over again from the failed vision I had in my business perspective due to some variables beyond my control. I don't feel that I would do great here in the Philippines, seems everything had fallen into wrong places. The plan, the person I have worked with in the business and the day to day activities I had, the people who abused me for being nice to them, all of them I really wanted to leave. I want to forget all of these to give way to my New York dream.

I really miss New York so much that I feel at home every time I was there. With my passion in photography in me, I know I would do great there. Even the energy connection that I feel at present I want to leave behind so to give way to my New York Dream. I don't feel that I am obsessed with that of being wanting to go there even if I am alone.

My biggest challenge as of this time is how to start all over again from a failed vision that I had, my ambitions and hopes to my business, all was shattered and broken into pieces. It's just only a matter of time, in a right place and right people that all of these dreams will come to reality.

New York seems to be my home, the longing to be there, and the missing the place big time, and the wanting to stay there, all are part of my New York dream

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The Dark Night of the Soul And Spiritual Awakening

I am in the process of reading a book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle borrowed from a friend, my Tita Irene who left before she went to Oman. This book has been suggested for me since February 2012 when she called me up as I was spending my time in Baler, Aurora to find myself. To some people who have not known I have been going through, I have been in the spiritual path for over a year now as I experience a dark night of the soul in a present moment. Prior to experiencing this, there were signs already associated with it that was inevitable, like seeing number sequences everywhere such as 11:11, 111, 222, etc. Not only limited to the numbers, had also some dream occurrences, symbols, etc that my logical mind could not comprehend. Since I've been into researches, according to the information I have gathered, it is a sign of spiritual awakening, but I have also come across to reading that 11:11 as a proof positive of meeting a soul connection like twin flame. However my focus is not on the twin flame concept although it may possibly be a part of the awakening process. My focus is not on this but on my own spiritual growth.

As I do some of the researches, I have come across to this site www.eckharttolle.com to shed light also and verify that I have indeed experienced the dark night of the soul, although I knew the fact that I was experiencing this, prior to reading the book and coming to this site. There were lots of synchronicity though which led me to get a lot of information about my awakening experience.

I wouldn't give much details about my journey, but to cut the story short, it is the heart, my inner knowing that I have all of these signs. Dark night of the soul is a process before coming to union with God, a calling, a phase of a person's spiritual life marked by a sense of loneliness, detachment, finding yourself and becoming aware of the true nature of who you are. It is a part of one soul's purification that the heart becomes resilient to achieve strength in one's spiritual journey. It is not a depression, but it is associated with some of the inevitable incident triggered by a human experience that life becomes meaningless and of what you have built in life for some reason collapses. Each person has a unique experience though but this is just one of the instance of experiencing dark night of the soul. Tragic incidents or death of loved one are some of these factors that may trigger the experience.

Only few people can relate or understand to this experience of what you are going through, and perhaps the people who have gone through this phase are the ones who have the high level of understanding.

I'm just wondering, the people who are in the spiritual path are also undergoing this process which I am not really sure of, although everyone's experience is unique. But one thing I have learned through this phase, some of the people like the guru, spiritual leaders known or unknown had experienced this stage.

Sometimes, I was also wondering if some of the people in the spiritual realm could relate and understand my experience because I feel that some of them doesn't have the quite initiative to guide me on my path, it was like I am on my own, in spite of their propagation about spirituality. Anything seems to be restricted, keeping distance and full of hesitation to help from the "like-minded" people. And I couldn't get the benefit of "great powers come great responsibility" concept. I don't want to sound radical, and I can't be blame for that since I was seeking people who have the same experience. It was quite empty, it is easy to say and propagate spiritual path but seems so hard to do one's service to assist people experiencing the same path. Or maybe because of my expectation towards the people who have the high level of understanding, with the moral act that they project to the people.

And how many spiritual people who have the initiative to read my writing n the same way that they read the post of the people who they are closed with and later on would deal the compliment. But I guess what, only few. I don't know what the variables and criteria are and what spiritual people think about it why some of them has the reservation in doing so. I guess I'm just too good not to hesitate to read their writings too. Because maybe I know how to listen and maybe because I can relate to the "like minded" people in spite of my laziness to read such articles. But I have some people close to me who have the same sentiments as mine.

But at the end of the day, I could realize that I know it is only me, not everyone else who can best understand what I was going through and focus on my growth as I experience dark night of the soul in my journey.

And right now through finding my true self I have loved more to concentrate on my passion which is photography and music which helps me in my path because loving my passion  is so unconditional and ego-free situation because I was thinking of my growth, trying to understand myself more of who I am in m present situation.

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The Setting Sun In Wawa Park

Yesterday, I was down, sad that I could not hide my resentments. I asked a lot of questions hoping to find the answers that could pave away anything that has something to do with my life. A clear cut condition that I had experienced the worst thing in my life that I should suppose to look at the brighter side. I almost asked God about my questions anything to do something about the biggest challenge in my life.

Taking into consideration that most of the people who have been into spiritual path have experienced the so called "dark night of the soul", a condition or a process that lets you purified to become enlightened. So I questioned God about the things I was going through. What have I done? I was the one being abused, oppressed and put into a hot spot.Did this goodness of mine acted as catalyst why I am experiencing this right now? But I couldn't agree for more this feeling of emptiness that I have, that I feel my soul's so connected as it's like I was yearning for my missing piece. Perhaps that missing piece could be the answer to all my questions, to heal me from any storm that I have gone through.

Yesterday I was back in Wawa Park in Angono, Rizal, tripped the setting sun and as the sun goes down to its horizon, I found myself asking these questions hoping for the clear answer. Let God be the light and brings hope in me.

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The Warning Signs

You wouldn't probably notice how time flies so fast especially when you are busy on your activities that you could not even notice it, whether you are employed, a business person or you are on rusticating from place to place. Even a not so busy person like me, in spite of the boredom could easily realize how time is running fast and everything that we experience today,   is a book of page that has been turned to another page of tomorrow. Everything changes dramatically without even noticing it. And anything that we achieve tomorrow is just the result of what we have worked on from yesterday.

 But what if you realized that everything did not fall into proper places? All that has been worked out in the past together with your vision seemed to fail? And you seemed to wonder what happened to the efforts that you did yesterday and all the resources that you have, has been diminished by these uncertainties? For anything that you value is not a guarantee that it will stay forever. So with the subsequent facets, there's no assurance you can assess that it's going to last. Depending of one's variable of circumstances, pointing fingers could possibly happen that is fueled by these uncertainties among the people who are sailing on the same boat.

Life indeed has two faces. For instance like the good and the bad that one could encounter in the cycle. But the one that falls in the below is the one that most likely could suffer anything  and you may find yourself taking the bull by the horns. 

The elements of surprise could happen to anyone, without giving you some ideas when it's gonna happen and whether you are prepared or not, but warning signs may be positive proof that things will be inevitable to happen. You may not even notice it that the Universe is giving you.

Take note of these signs that the Universe is giving you and ask for a guidance if you can, something that we always taken for granted without listening to our inner guidance. Sometimes the signs may come in your dreams that is why is is very important to take notice of your dreams. This is also a time to remember that our angels are there to help us, and sometimes the only thing that hinders us is we may have forgotten to ask for a call.

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A Deep Connection Within

In my journey, I feel deeply connected that somehow my mind could not really comprehend. It's like there's always a fighting mode between my heart and mind. And I don't know who is right. Couldn't really understand this feeling of vagueness...and the more something that I ignore, is the more something it appears.

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Appreciating Someone's Work

I am deeply inspired to write in my blog site more often, as this serves as  vehicle to my own thoughts and views in what we call " life experience." Some people may agree with the words I write and some may not, but one thing I have learned in this world is you can never please everyone at all, no matter how you tried to. There's no right or wrong when you express anything that has to do with your personal viewpoint but more importantly is you are being able to put into words how you feel about your subject matter. And this is who you are, you are your own thoughts and words.

Writing and blogging is my learning curve, not a virtuoso type as the other writers do but I am continuously digging the hole for improvement as I walk through the valley of enlightenment. I may have the call for a true spiritual path as I am doing this as possible part of my vocation. Not necessarily to become a nearly guru like Dalai Lama, but the freedom I would like to project is being able to gain wisdom so that in time, I may be able to reach out the best way I can sharing these words of wisdom.

I may never have a big audience who will listen to me and I do not intend to expect anyone to believe in me either, but this is such a great journey to come up writing a blog as I just want to express something that I feel about within the period of time.

Inspired to write a blog because somehow I feel appreciated and my works are being liked to a point that one of my Facebook friends encouraged me to pursue writing which I feel my spirit is being uplifted. Thanks for that, it was an eye opener for me to write even more. And I have that burning passion glimmering in me to accelerate such interest.

When you open up your heart, you learn to appreciate everything that surrounds you and that should be our true spiritual nature when you become enlightened. You get to tangle the complexity of the strings mixed up together and once you have fixed these strings you are able to appreciate everything in this life, such as the beauty of Nature God has given us, the animals, the people, situations and anything what life has to offer you.

Being able to be recognized from a job well done is an honor, whether it is small or great, as long as you know that you have the compassion to do it wholeheartedly. Sometimes we crave for appreciation for that builds self-esteem and confidence towards ourselves, especially when you are in the midst of finding  the true nature of your passion. And you may seek for self-belongingness from someone to be as your own mirror of your greatness. Appreciation is a moral booster and it motivates you to keep you more focused on the things that you want to do. Internally its effect is to let you glow and become the source of inspiration to others seeking the same thing to feel being appreciated from your works.

And we have perhaps encountered the odds when the time in our lives that we get tired to please someone as you feel that you are not being acknowledged from anything that you did and share with, as you may expect you are being appreciated from your works. Our expectation is what we seemed to be the lead source of disappointment causing us to ask so many questions and perhaps to huff.

I believe that appreciation is not measured quantitatively. It is qualitative and it does not take a lot of people for you to be able to be recognized. One may be enough to grasp its meaningful essence. To some, it does not take a lot in order for you to become happy once you feel your works are being loved. First it must come from the heart, the moment our souls recognize it. Whatever works that you love to do and some people could not relate to it, good or bad but at the end of the day, you can pick up some lessons to improve anything that you are compassionate about.

Remember that appreciation is not about pleasing everyone. You are being appreciated because they simply believe in you, they resonate with you and they like your work. And in order to be acknowledged, it should connect to someone's soul making them agreeable anything that has relevance and distinct to them.

Our mind is so powerful which creates the ego and blocks  the heart in order to get blinded not to appreciate anything you have withstand to give your all to, and limiting the likeness towards the prism of someone's company. But outside that core are the people looking for self-belongingness and hoping that finally someone will like the beauty of your work.

Your works may not be the best or perfect one and you may feel that you are being overlooked, but if you flip the other side of the coin, anything could happen for you. Some surprises come when it's your time for you to shine. And we have the shining moment in our lives that sparks in the air. And when it comes, it will nourish you like a king or queen in the castle. And that means the Universe have heard you, and if someone else cannot appreciate, never resent because the Source sees whatever things that you do. Share the magic of your works without condition without expecting anything in return, for it will just come when you get the fruits from the tree.

A simple appreciation changes your perspective, you feel that you are being recognized, it motivates you more to do better and share your works to others. Life is about appreciation, you acknowledge the blessings and you appreciate anything that comes to you.

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Life Lessons We Learn From Another Soul

About 5 years ago, I had a dream with this person that I'd been working with in the business perspective. In my dream I heard this person saying, "I'll be the lead source of your failure." The dream was so vivid that I could remember every detail that this person was saying when the moment I wake up, until this present time it never faded from my head. So unforgettable that I knew what would gonna happen in the business side soon. I would not mention this person's name to protect his/her identity. And to cut the story short, 5 years later something really happened bad to my business endeavor as it slides down to the ground after fighting to win over the economic melt down. We had arguments until this person decided to leave me with great responsibility on my shoulder. I wouldn't go into details what really happened between us but when you read between the lines, the business had to be set aside as everything went into rough sailing.

So that's what happened 5 years after dreaming of something bad was about to transpire, aside from the other experiences I had as part of my spiritual journey.

Few months later after we parted ways, I had another dream about this person, that I met this person again and this time, our conversation went smooth that the person talked to me in a nice manner. I just could't remember what this person was saying about, but it seemed we had settled our disputes nicely, that in my dream I have forgiven the person despite of what happened between us. And when I wake up from my dream time, I felt light, and free from any grievances.

And to those who are in the same spiritual path, they can understand easily that our souls meet and talk in dreams. That the souls in human form coming into our lives teach us the lessons to learn and grow as we evolve as human beings. Without these experiences, life is dull and unchallenging, and life has no meaning and purpose at all. In that way, this makes our hearts resilients and purifies us until such time we are now ready to fulfill our missions, if we are bound to walk through with our missions. We as human beings have different journey and when we walk through the shadows of darkness, we meet people and some will give us supports and some will be the catalyst for our growth.

Back to my dreams about this person, in 5 years I had learned so much and realized that this was part of a plan that the Source was giving me. That the second dream I had with this person I would presume upon meeting in another dimension means that the person's mission for me has been fulfilled as this person acted as the catalyst for my growth. Our souls had twice met and the first meeting conveys that it is the person's mission to act as my catalyst for my growth in this department as what happened to me heavied my responsibility that I've been carrying up to this moment.

I can now understand why things were meant to happen, that everything happens for a reason. It is something that we can learn about, if we put these things into another perspective. The ego-based business I had to put into shelf that I had to concentrate what my real passion is. In this way we are waking up to our trueself, that we can never escape from who we are. That God is the Source, and that we can learn how to forgive and forget, put aside the ego that we were covered for ages in this world and experience healing as we set to walk the path towards perfection.

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My Thought For Today

It's almost Valentine's Day and I guess if not some, most of the people will have to celebrate this special day with someone they love. Flowers, chocolates and cakes may be the most popular give aways for this season of love and to those in the business realm would mean profit. I should know that, haha because I myself is into the realm of business.

At this moment I do not have the drive to write something in my blog site, well I'm sharing my thoughts about how bored I am since I stayed the whole time in my room. But I was suppose to go for a photo shoot simulation in Angono, Rizal but I feel really tired and seemed to have a quite body ache.

Last Sunday night, I went to Antipolo because one of my friends there will be leaving for Oman on the 13th. We used to hangout in her house when we had get togethers and prior to this, the last time we had funs and overnight to her place was almost 4 years ago before I left for New York in March 2009. Whew! That was such a long time already that I couldn't imagine how fast the time flies. In her house, that was our bonding place that I couldn't resist to go every time we had some meet ups. These are also my supporting friends for high and lows. And Tita is leaving already, she's been to Oman back and forth every 6 months. I remember her she called me up when I was in Baler, Aurora last year in February. That time I had to travel a lot and I had to confide to her that I was in soul-searching, or finding myself and experiencing spiritual awakening. When I was in Antipolo last Sunday before leaving her house, she let me borrowed the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart, Tolle and the book by Professor Jaime Licauco, "Soulmate, Karma and Reincarnation." I still have to start reading this book as soon as possible. They were just intereting books to read about.

So now since I spend most of my time in my room, I'm always online reading and googling, and staying in touch with my Facebook friends. So I still have an opportunity to record my songs. I guess, this is all for now.

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A Thought About Unreciprocated Love

Everyone is longing for love and there is no exception for that. A feeling, care that we are looking from someone that we love. As it may call it "The One", someone who can love us perfectly, our mirror that shows us who we are, the good the bad and the ugly. 

A couple of hours ago I posted on my wall about this quote as Valentine's Day is now fast approaching:

As you search someone for your wholeness, you may suffer from a condition of un-reciprocated LOVE. Though this may hurt you so much, always take a look at the brighter side by focusing more to your spiritual growth. Because everything happens fot a reason. For every situation, there is always a Divine purpose.

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Outreach Program in Kanlungan Ni Maria

Yesterday was quite busy day as me and my Antipolo friends went to the home for the aged, The Kanlungan Ni Maria. We had an outreach program there that started at past 11 in the morning and ended around 3pm. The program was served with the foods and after the lunch, there was a mini presentation. I sing with 3 songs in the event. I brought my camera to shoot the program. After it ended, we went to one of my friend's house, usually where we always have a gathering when I go up to Antipolo. I stayed there till 4 in the morning, but now I feel sleepy haha. We seldom see each other so I decided to stay there for a longer period of time.

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As If We Never Said Goodbye

Today  is the first day of the month of February and I had a very short sleep today as my dream kept me awake. Someone was talking to me in my dream explaining everything but I could no longer remember what the man told me in my dream. So I slept past 4 a.m. prior to my dream time, then afterwards I had a hard time sleeping that I got up from my bed at 6:30 a.m.

In the morning I recorded a song, it was a Broadway musicale from the show "Sunset Boulevard" and the song was "As If We Never Said Goodbye." I recorded this song about 2 years ago but the quality wasn't good enough yet since I was quite new to use the recording software. My late brother taught me how to use it because he knew about the technical aspects in recording since he himself used to have a recording studio, aside from being an arranger, musical director and composer.

I love this song, quite remind me about the Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, California and Broadway in New York. Quite reminiscing about the past.

So here's my cover version as popularized by Barbra Streisand and was used in Glee.

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