The Feeling of Emptiness

I was making some activities in hope to bring me joy even just for a little while. As I mentioned in my previous posting, the beginning of the year was full of emotional baggage that I can't really cried hard enough and break the pattern, and alter everything I had experience. But I couldn't do anything about it but to accept the path that I am walking through. I was uploading and posting some photos in my Facebook wall and honestly I would like people to appreciate what I was doing by hitting the "like" button from what I did. I find it the Photoshop as something could kill my time the whole day I spend in my room. If I could not edit my photos in the Photoshop, recording some songs was my best alternative. Imagine that I was able to record more than 50 songs that I even posted the video both in my You Tube and Facebook account.

These are some of the things that I do while in the midst of my awakening and dark night of the soul. I keep on motivating myself in doing two of my passions as this could heal me and make me feel better. I know that I was not the only one experiencing this kind of realm as I was looking for a "support" to guide me in my spiritual path.

My business was down due to some reasons that I couldn't think of anything to solve the problem and find solutions as I had a hard time concentrating what to do. I was left with a great responsibility and do not even have the solution to solve this up as the people would never understand what I had gone through since the beginning of the year.

I was still hoping for that happiness to manifest in me, while I was loaded with burdens and the agony that I felt during this path of awakening.

A part of me was missing that I do not even look for that piece, the melody of the song that I sing one day can be heard.

I can be with my friends, go out, laugh a lot and enjoy with them, but the happiness is just temporary just like like the story of the Little Match Girl, to set fire from the matches to keep the flame burning and when it's gone she would light the match again to see all what she dreamed for. So it's similar, in spite of my experience during the dark night of my soul, I need to light the match so I could keep the flame. Going out with my friends may help me laugh but the feeling of emptiness is still there. I couldn't fake myself for that and could not maintain my momentum and that is why, when I was with them, I had to leave them early because it was really hard to feel the pleasure of being with my friends.

During my recent travel, most of the time I have been alone just like the case I was staying in room the whole day. I became dependent on the internet, on Facebook as surfing this site had become my outlet.

How I had really wish for the good ones this year as this can pave away my worries, my emptiness and bring back the smiles I had once, my life and my happiness.

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Still Hoping For The Good Things to Come This Year

Since the start of the year 2012 served so much of emotional baggage in my life. Almost everything was a rough sailing, hoping that things will be alright soon. That was the beginning of my frequent travels I made to the provinces in hopes that this could relieve my emotional ups and downs I had, even just for temporary basis only.  It helped though, even just for a while but as soon as I get home soon, then again would feel the same predicament. I was advised to go with the flow for everything will be alright soon. This was their experience too, to those who have been in the realm of awakening. To those who were not on my shoes would mistaken me as having experienced a depression. Possibly yes as the lead source may have started from the recent passing away of my brother and the gap between my father, mother and brother was not too long. Perhaps that could be the trigger of my awakening.

My spiritual awakening was inevitable though, and I started googling about the signs and symptoms as this was synonymous to ascension process. I had read a lot of information and the possible remedies it could bring me on while experiencing this stage. The path to my awakening had started July of 2011 when I started seeing sequence of numbers in the clocks, plate numbers, billboards and so forth. So I started to wonder why and was looking for that solution. I had a dream in the beginning of the year about a tidal wave was hitting me and it just really made cry as I was a survivor in my dream. So this was the beginning of my outburst..literally it happened. So I had no choice but to travel and that was the purpose why I rusticated in the countryside.

I also felt a present connection that I could not really understand it and intensely it was heating my chest concomitantly with both of my physical and mental status. And I had the propensity to lose my self anytime but still had a high hope that it will be over soon.

The start of the year up and to this point did not really serve me something good and the emotional breakdown that I had suffered was evidently countless. You can tell on my face by seeing my eye bugs grow. And forget about the physical pain for I can endure but not with my emotions.

The year is about to end we have less than three months left before the beginning of a new year, but I hope I can get a good one, even just one good thing to happen in me and I deserve to be happy at this point.

I had so much pains and unexpected turn of events happened to me now and I cry for help and care that I needed most at this point, something I could lean on in the midst of my emotional crises. And I know someone out there will be there for me.

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The Kundalini Awakening

Here's an interesting link about the Kundalini awakening as some people may have experienced this.

 An excerpt from a personal story of awakening:

When Kundalini awakens one invariably feels some involuntary movements of the body, which begin with trembling and shaking, with an intensity varying with different persons. Some experience violent shaking of different kinds, as does a car 

before starting when the dynamo begins to work. Such physical movements are accompanied with a heretofore-not-experienced feeling of pleasure of spiritual awakening, and the brain becomes heavy as under intoxication. These are the first symptoms of an awakened Kundalini and are followed by various signs and experiences too many to be enumerated...

http://www.cit-sakti.com/story/kundalini-awakening-story-chapt1.htm

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The Importance of Trust and Confidence

So we are now in the middle of the month of September and two weeks more before we reach the month of October. Next month can be promising in terms of travel as one of my Facebook peers invited me to go to Sagada. At least I still have more time to prepare physically and mentally for this travel. After all it has been 3 months since the last time I rusticated but that case was purely accidental and unplanned as I was invited to go to Dipolog, Zamboanga and had a short stint stay in Cebu thereafter. I miss my camera, the shots of the faces, facets and natures and those were the things that my heart has been nagging about in the past three months. Some things happened for a reason, but as I mentioned in my previous blog, I had a terrible experience of adversities this year. I couldn't do anything about it, for this situation of mine may be a part of the divine plan as I unlock the mystery of my spiritual awakening. It unleashed my propensity to grow and mature spiritually as that triggers my awakening.

Life sometimes can be unfair, especially when you have some good intentions but it is not reciprocated, although you don't expect it to happen, as you unconditionally trying to reach out some people. Your plans however have the possibility to diminish when you pick the wrong people. And when you put to much trust on one's shoulder but in the end it will show that you are taken advantage of, abused and being retaliated due to confrontational issues. Your trust and confidence is beginning to become tarnish as you found out what the other's agenda is all about. That is why in everything that we do, we pick the rigt people to have trust and confidence with. And it is the ego that sets us apart to the one that we especially trust most.

All the things can be forgiven, forget and surpass but once you lose your trust and confidence towards the other becomes the weapon of destruction to the castle that you have built. The first time around, once a person have made some mistakes can be acceptable but in the second time around, that is where the real problem arises.

It's a matter of trust and confidence you show of being yourself that lets people look up on you as they will try to give respect because of showing the importance of trusting someone. It's more than a gold that one can buy for without losing the identity of who you are,

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Remembering The 911 World Trade Center Attack

Today marks as the 11th year anniversary of September 11 World Trade Center attack in New York City. During that time I worked as a Cruise Staff for RCCL or Royal Caribbean International on boad Explorer of the Seas, and this was the cruise company's newest ship in that year. The ship sets its port of call to St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands. As a Cruise Staff, I was assigned outside the ship as tour escort, as one of my main duties and responsibilities. I heard some of the crew saying what transpired in New York, that the World Trade Center collapsed as the plane hit the tall building. Some of the passengers were still unaware though, since they were on tour.

When we came back to the main port of call of the ship in Miami, Florida, the passengers were stranded and we were not allowed to go out from the ship. As part of the ship crew, we were all busy, trying to pacify the angry passengers as some of their flights back home were cancelled. The passengers were all upset and we could not do anything about what was ordered to us. We were all tasked to do what had to be done and since I was assigned at the gangway, I had to explain everything to the passengers stuck up at the lobby of the ship. The delay took overnight as some were able to go out couple of hours after the ship was at dock and some of the passengers had their overnight stay on the ship. All the itineraries were cancelled, and the ship had to remain in the port of Miami for 2 nights.

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September

So this is going to be my first entry in September of this year. So what do I have in mind now? Well I am reminiscing my last year's activity in September 2011.I was in Naga City via Bicol Express Train, and I had the chance to see the Penafrancia Festival. So that was my trip last year in this month. But I might go again this month, though it depends on my availability and budget as well, haha and honestly I would want to go there.

Since we are already in "ber" month that means to say that Christmas in the Philippines is just around the corner and probably you would hear a lot of Christmas songs played on the radio. In my case, I just recorded my Christmas song the first day of September, in the wee hours of the morning, posted it in my Facebook wall.

Let me share this song I recorded "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" feels like I am always in the wave of nostalgia.

So I will be recording more Christmas songs in the few weeks to come...

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With A Smile

Well I guess I don't have anything to write in my blog at this time. I do not have any travel schedule which allows me to update my site. Travel might resume either September or October. Anyway it's rainy season that's why I rarely go travel during this time. Since I am not busy, I did some recordings just to fill up my vacant days and actually I started recording since the start of this year. But now I have more than 40 songs recorded and posted in my YouTube account.

One of my few favorite song and actually this has been my favorite since then. A song popularized by Eraserheads was "With A Smile". I love the melody and the message of the song. This song also serves as my personal advice to myself..The song advises me to smile in times when problems arise. When I'm sad and need someone to comfort me. When I'm depressed it serves as a personal message to myself. I always listen to this song every time I have some problems and thing go wrong along the way.

Now I just finished recorded this song, I did the recording, the back up singing, the mixing, editing the video and uploading at YouTube and my Facebook account. To those who see this message, I hope you like my version/rendition of "With A Smile". Thank you for listening.

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To Blame or Not to Blame

We are already in the month of August and we just experienced the monsoon rain or Habagat for the past 4 days that left the entire Metro Manila and some of the provinces in a flooded and calamity state. And for 4 days, there was no electricity that the battery of all my cell phones and laptop got depleted. No Facebook in the past few days except that I had to go to Sta Lucia East Mall to have a battery charged in Starbucks Coffee and the same time could open my Facebook account. As social networking addict like me, it was pretty hard not to check my FB account just to update my status and check who's commenting and liking my posts.

Since it is rainy season, I suspended my traveling plans from July to September, just like year and traveling only resumed in the month of September. So it had to be taken back just to let the rain pass in these months. So I was missing the action within the next few months.

As far as the other plans are concerned, the universe must have set it that I took it in different perspective. Somehow, these variables may have affected my actions which became a flaw to the ladder I was climbing which I almost made it. But I was only understanding in the entirety that it felt like you were used and abused but perhaps I should not blame others for their shortcomings  because it was I who took the choice that some people took advantage of me being nice.

Many lessons have been learned that people who have a different mind set could hardly comprehend what I was trying to point out. It's hard when someone has a different mind set so you can penetrate and hit what you are trying to achieve. The plan could have took off already in 5 years time. Well, it doesn't mean that once you failed, you are in the loosing end. In fact in failure, this is the time when the real journey begins...

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Beautiful

I just want to remind myself, a personal note for myself that in every rough times, there's always a torch of hope. Just keep your faith high and not be discouraged to anything that go against you. Everything is being planned by God. And everything happens for a reason. Good things will happen to you, just trust the universe and trust God.

As I recuperate from my emotional ups and downs, presently I am not busy. Since I haven't been busy for the past few days and weeks, I usually work on my computer recording my songs, uploading them on my Facebook and youtube account. This helps me to release any emotional baggages.

It's good to hear my own recorded song and at the same time see and the photos that I've taken from different places.

Singing and photography are my passion since then. I am extremely so in LOVE in this art.

Right now, in this moment, life is so BEAUTIFUL. I couldn’t be more happier at the moment. And I hope this moment will last any longer...

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Not a Good Year?

I believe this is not a good year for me but as much as I can I will try to reverse the way I think  of the moments in the past and present. The "now" situation comes from some of the emotional disbursement, the ups and downs and the physical pain that I am experiencing at the moment. There were lots of emotional baggage that has to be cleared yet since the start of this year. But I am hoping that this will get better. I don't think that the source would be business or financial related matters. It's just that I am experiencing something too personal which this matter will not be discussed in this blog. And I just hope and pray that this will enough of too much emotional ups and downs.

There were also good sides happened to me as I was blessed with so much traveling and I am still counting a lot before this year ends.

The start of the year leaves me with lots of challenges facing the realm of my awakening period. The awakening was chaotic and uncomfortable as this leaves me with lots of emotional and physical pain.

Just be careful what you will wish for, for it may happen when you least expecting it.

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So What's My Next Plan

Right now, I'm still clueless when it comes to my travel plan. I'm still trying to figure out where to go, but the last travel I had was in the month of June in Zamboanga and Cebu. This travel was quite a surprise for me and was not intented for travel photography. I was in Zamboanga because my sister in law invited me to cover golden wedding anniversary of her parents. Going to Cebu was not even in my list but I was convinced by my brother to go to their place in Cebu. It was a road trip and it happened overnight before I left for Manila the following day.

Here are some of the few places I want to go before this year ends:

Lake Sebu in South Cotabato
Bataan
Santa Ana, Cagayan
Bacolod City, Negros Occidental
Davao

And the list goes on...

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