A Matter of Choice

Don't really mind being an outcast, being underdog, being a darkhorse, being overlooked, not being liked, and not being appreciated.. each one of us is unique and special being in our own right..for we can look great in the eyes of others and unconditionally accept the way how other people treat you..After all we can't really please everyone and even someone in our affinity can be totally different how they perceive you ..

For as long as you're being with yourself and do not step into someone's shoes is the way we can make a difference, we can understand the true meaning of life, it's purpose and how we can manifest happiness in our hearts...

We want to be recognized in small things that we do and share, but appreciation may become elusive..but when someone is saying something about your work whether it's good or it needs improvement, is like saying "hey I noticed your work and appreciate your effort" or it's simply like saying "hello, how are you, I care.." And that may possibly make you smile and become thankful as your heart jumps into joy when you hear these words..and that is the power of words, it heals the wound afflicted in our hearts and even make you stronger that the passion burning inside you gives you more inspiration and do the things we want to do. 

Talk about the minds...It is the mind which creates the ego that barrs our hearts to believe what our inner voice is telling us...                                                                       
For it is the ego that builds a wall and block our relationships to one another. It is the work of the ego that disallow us to open our hearts to love, care, to understand and transform oneself and change as God wanted us to be...but still we are given a choice which path that we can walk through and we get the prize when we reach the edge...

It's a matter of choice though...

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Earthdance 2012

I had the chance to witness the Earthdance event on September 23, 2012 at The Arts in The City, in Fort Bonifacio, Taguig. Earthdance is the largest synchronized dance event in the world started in 1996 with a vision to unite the whole world through the universal platform of dance and music.

I went in the event around 5p.m after I accompanied my sister to Pasay to get the package from my brother's friend who just arrived from Dubai. Riding my sister's car, she dropped me off to The Fort. I have seen some familiar faces there, and they were some of my friend's lists in my Facebook account.

I enjoyed the night with foods, wine drinking as the event filled with dances and music and we decided to go home at past 9 in the evening.

I learned this event through an invitation from one of my Facebook friend, who invited me two months ago.

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A Small Voice

There is a small voice within me that is wanting to speak and waiting to be heard that echos in my heart. The words which need to express and let it be spoken. That fear in me is the one that is stopping me to say all the things I have to say, but when these words are release, what a great joy it could bring to my heart. I am afraid, even though what my heart is saying could be true, because that might probably hurt me. A small voice that is part of me whispering I found something I wasn't looking for, when I was least expecting it.

That small voice is also a music to my ear but the melody is unsung but when it is played in my heart, I  hoping someone would listen to it. As the small voice awakens me, sometimes it brings happiness and sometimes it brings sadness.

I can't convince that small voice in me to speak out, but maybe it is not the right time yet to say these unspoken words in my heart. Let my small voice speak up when the right time comes.

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The Feeling of Emptiness

I was making some activities in hope to bring me joy even just for a little while. As I mentioned in my previous posting, the beginning of the year was full of emotional baggage that I can't really cried hard enough and break the pattern, and alter everything I had experience. But I couldn't do anything about it but to accept the path that I am walking through. I was uploading and posting some photos in my Facebook wall and honestly I would like people to appreciate what I was doing by hitting the "like" button from what I did. I find it the Photoshop as something could kill my time the whole day I spend in my room. If I could not edit my photos in the Photoshop, recording some songs was my best alternative. Imagine that I was able to record more than 50 songs that I even posted the video both in my You Tube and Facebook account.

These are some of the things that I do while in the midst of my awakening and dark night of the soul. I keep on motivating myself in doing two of my passions as this could heal me and make me feel better. I know that I was not the only one experiencing this kind of realm as I was looking for a "support" to guide me in my spiritual path.

My business was down due to some reasons that I couldn't think of anything to solve the problem and find solutions as I had a hard time concentrating what to do. I was left with a great responsibility and do not even have the solution to solve this up as the people would never understand what I had gone through since the beginning of the year.

I was still hoping for that happiness to manifest in me, while I was loaded with burdens and the agony that I felt during this path of awakening.

A part of me was missing that I do not even look for that piece, the melody of the song that I sing one day can be heard.

I can be with my friends, go out, laugh a lot and enjoy with them, but the happiness is just temporary just like like the story of the Little Match Girl, to set fire from the matches to keep the flame burning and when it's gone she would light the match again to see all what she dreamed for. So it's similar, in spite of my experience during the dark night of my soul, I need to light the match so I could keep the flame. Going out with my friends may help me laugh but the feeling of emptiness is still there. I couldn't fake myself for that and could not maintain my momentum and that is why, when I was with them, I had to leave them early because it was really hard to feel the pleasure of being with my friends.

During my recent travel, most of the time I have been alone just like the case I was staying in room the whole day. I became dependent on the internet, on Facebook as surfing this site had become my outlet.

How I had really wish for the good ones this year as this can pave away my worries, my emptiness and bring back the smiles I had once, my life and my happiness.

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Still Hoping For The Good Things to Come This Year

Since the start of the year 2012 served so much of emotional baggage in my life. Almost everything was a rough sailing, hoping that things will be alright soon. That was the beginning of my frequent travels I made to the provinces in hopes that this could relieve my emotional ups and downs I had, even just for temporary basis only.  It helped though, even just for a while but as soon as I get home soon, then again would feel the same predicament. I was advised to go with the flow for everything will be alright soon. This was their experience too, to those who have been in the realm of awakening. To those who were not on my shoes would mistaken me as having experienced a depression. Possibly yes as the lead source may have started from the recent passing away of my brother and the gap between my father, mother and brother was not too long. Perhaps that could be the trigger of my awakening.

My spiritual awakening was inevitable though, and I started googling about the signs and symptoms as this was synonymous to ascension process. I had read a lot of information and the possible remedies it could bring me on while experiencing this stage. The path to my awakening had started July of 2011 when I started seeing sequence of numbers in the clocks, plate numbers, billboards and so forth. So I started to wonder why and was looking for that solution. I had a dream in the beginning of the year about a tidal wave was hitting me and it just really made cry as I was a survivor in my dream. So this was the beginning of my outburst..literally it happened. So I had no choice but to travel and that was the purpose why I rusticated in the countryside.

I also felt a present connection that I could not really understand it and intensely it was heating my chest concomitantly with both of my physical and mental status. And I had the propensity to lose my self anytime but still had a high hope that it will be over soon.

The start of the year up and to this point did not really serve me something good and the emotional breakdown that I had suffered was evidently countless. You can tell on my face by seeing my eye bugs grow. And forget about the physical pain for I can endure but not with my emotions.

The year is about to end we have less than three months left before the beginning of a new year, but I hope I can get a good one, even just one good thing to happen in me and I deserve to be happy at this point.

I had so much pains and unexpected turn of events happened to me now and I cry for help and care that I needed most at this point, something I could lean on in the midst of my emotional crises. And I know someone out there will be there for me.

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The Kundalini Awakening

Here's an interesting link about the Kundalini awakening as some people may have experienced this.

 An excerpt from a personal story of awakening:

When Kundalini awakens one invariably feels some involuntary movements of the body, which begin with trembling and shaking, with an intensity varying with different persons. Some experience violent shaking of different kinds, as does a car 

before starting when the dynamo begins to work. Such physical movements are accompanied with a heretofore-not-experienced feeling of pleasure of spiritual awakening, and the brain becomes heavy as under intoxication. These are the first symptoms of an awakened Kundalini and are followed by various signs and experiences too many to be enumerated...

http://www.cit-sakti.com/story/kundalini-awakening-story-chapt1.htm

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The Importance of Trust and Confidence

So we are now in the middle of the month of September and two weeks more before we reach the month of October. Next month can be promising in terms of travel as one of my Facebook peers invited me to go to Sagada. At least I still have more time to prepare physically and mentally for this travel. After all it has been 3 months since the last time I rusticated but that case was purely accidental and unplanned as I was invited to go to Dipolog, Zamboanga and had a short stint stay in Cebu thereafter. I miss my camera, the shots of the faces, facets and natures and those were the things that my heart has been nagging about in the past three months. Some things happened for a reason, but as I mentioned in my previous blog, I had a terrible experience of adversities this year. I couldn't do anything about it, for this situation of mine may be a part of the divine plan as I unlock the mystery of my spiritual awakening. It unleashed my propensity to grow and mature spiritually as that triggers my awakening.

Life sometimes can be unfair, especially when you have some good intentions but it is not reciprocated, although you don't expect it to happen, as you unconditionally trying to reach out some people. Your plans however have the possibility to diminish when you pick the wrong people. And when you put to much trust on one's shoulder but in the end it will show that you are taken advantage of, abused and being retaliated due to confrontational issues. Your trust and confidence is beginning to become tarnish as you found out what the other's agenda is all about. That is why in everything that we do, we pick the rigt people to have trust and confidence with. And it is the ego that sets us apart to the one that we especially trust most.

All the things can be forgiven, forget and surpass but once you lose your trust and confidence towards the other becomes the weapon of destruction to the castle that you have built. The first time around, once a person have made some mistakes can be acceptable but in the second time around, that is where the real problem arises.

It's a matter of trust and confidence you show of being yourself that lets people look up on you as they will try to give respect because of showing the importance of trusting someone. It's more than a gold that one can buy for without losing the identity of who you are,

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Remembering The 911 World Trade Center Attack

Today marks as the 11th year anniversary of September 11 World Trade Center attack in New York City. During that time I worked as a Cruise Staff for RCCL or Royal Caribbean International on boad Explorer of the Seas, and this was the cruise company's newest ship in that year. The ship sets its port of call to St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands. As a Cruise Staff, I was assigned outside the ship as tour escort, as one of my main duties and responsibilities. I heard some of the crew saying what transpired in New York, that the World Trade Center collapsed as the plane hit the tall building. Some of the passengers were still unaware though, since they were on tour.

When we came back to the main port of call of the ship in Miami, Florida, the passengers were stranded and we were not allowed to go out from the ship. As part of the ship crew, we were all busy, trying to pacify the angry passengers as some of their flights back home were cancelled. The passengers were all upset and we could not do anything about what was ordered to us. We were all tasked to do what had to be done and since I was assigned at the gangway, I had to explain everything to the passengers stuck up at the lobby of the ship. The delay took overnight as some were able to go out couple of hours after the ship was at dock and some of the passengers had their overnight stay on the ship. All the itineraries were cancelled, and the ship had to remain in the port of Miami for 2 nights.

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September

So this is going to be my first entry in September of this year. So what do I have in mind now? Well I am reminiscing my last year's activity in September 2011.I was in Naga City via Bicol Express Train, and I had the chance to see the Penafrancia Festival. So that was my trip last year in this month. But I might go again this month, though it depends on my availability and budget as well, haha and honestly I would want to go there.

Since we are already in "ber" month that means to say that Christmas in the Philippines is just around the corner and probably you would hear a lot of Christmas songs played on the radio. In my case, I just recorded my Christmas song the first day of September, in the wee hours of the morning, posted it in my Facebook wall.

Let me share this song I recorded "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" feels like I am always in the wave of nostalgia.

So I will be recording more Christmas songs in the few weeks to come...

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